Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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