the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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