I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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