I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
