I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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