I'm so fucking centered right now
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
