Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what day is it and did you see me today?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize