I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my being single is dangerous.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
