just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Shame is for Republicans.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize