just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
