i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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