id be glad to
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
