um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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