Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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