i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
