I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
