You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
