your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
