do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
