Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize