these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
