Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Small penises have feelings too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
