just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
