He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
