I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
