Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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