I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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