if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
