it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sext me about skeletons
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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