i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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