and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
