Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
