I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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