Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
