You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
