Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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