My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
