Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
