Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
