Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That accounts for only three of the penises
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
