nut hugger
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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