The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
