i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
