I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
