I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
