I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
