hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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