I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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