my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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