wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
