God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
