We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
as a side note pls kill me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
