omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
