walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
