I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
