cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
