Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
