Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
