If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
