you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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