Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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