Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
