so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
