There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
