Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
