No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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