So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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