When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
