yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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