Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
