Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize