So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize