that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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