I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
