i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
